Yu Clev R. Duck And The Electric Blanket

Every now and then, my friend GM, tells me to write a brief story based on something simple. This story was based upon the name “Yu Clev R. Duck ”

Enjoy. ~Bloop

Yu Clev R. Duck is here with a fist full of sushi and a pantload of soup. I live in the woodshed behind Jerry Johnson’s dolphin farm and I’m writing to you today about my experience with the electric blanket.

Growing up in a kiddie pool filled with goldfish (the cracker, not the fish), I’ve always had trouble staying warm.

A damp crotch is a sad crotch, great Aunt Murgatroy always said.

Luckily, I was given a television box for my eleventeenth birthday that only had one channel – Shopping Channel USA. I soon learned the joys of dialing telephone numbers, entering credit card numbers and waiting for numbers of packages.

To say it was a hobby is an understatement the size of a whale’s belly button. It was my life.

Gladys Grady quickly became my favorite host on Shopping Channel USA and my dearest love. Her collection of smelly candles, in particular, filled my nostrils with stink for years. Yet my crotch remained soggy.

During an impromptu sales pitch sparked by technical difficulties on Shopping Channel USA’s Super Spoon Collection Show – Gladys revealed the singular item that would change my life and warm my loins for good – the electric blanket.

At first, I was skeptical. How could a blanket be made out of lightning? And how could Gladys Grady have a glass eye yet continue to display the necessary depth perception to hawk knick knacks on the boob tube?

I had to know, first hand, the answer to all of my questions. So I dusted off my old copy of The Official Glass Eye Encyclopedia and simultaneously ordered the electric blanket.

By the time I finished reading about glass eyes, the package had arrived and I was ready for my rebirth. I plugged the electric blanket into the octopus-like tendrils of the power strip in my woodshed and waited for the magic to begin.

The globs of mushy goldfish slowly came to a boil and reformed to their original fishy shape.

I leapt out of my kiddie pool with such fury that my head hit the ceiling of my woodshed and knocked me unconscious. When I finally came to – the electric blanket had heated to unfathomable proportions, steaming the soup in my pants and creating a sauna inside my shed.

I lost 400lbs during my slumber and now I’m the most famous super model of all time.

THE END.