Hobo Weekly Announces Couple Of The Month

Elmer’s glue claims it’s a glueall product but I know for a fact it won’t glue a second penis above your balls.

Personal priorities are weird. I never got around to taking a shower today but I did spend two hours photoshopping various meats onto a cartoon potato. Baby make Mommy proud?!?

I think the third day without a shower is a make or break moment in your life. Either cleanse yourself immediately or head to the liquor store and call that hooker.

Don’t you hate it when you barf on someone else’s shoes and they’re all like, “You’re under arrest!” That’s so dumb.

Lately, my toilet has been making this awful dripping sound but whenever I approach it, it stops. Anyway, look for my new show on A&E – The Toilet Whisperer.

Sometimes, I personify the trash can and pretend it loves to eat my garbage. Also, toilets are hungry for human waste and cereal bowls eat your cheerios until you eat them back. Basically, I’m an idiot.

What would Jesus text? Peace 2 every1 but Judas iz gay lol!!!

Today, I went to tighten my belt and discovered I wasn’t even wearing one. It blew my mind. Maybe my whole life has been consumed by trying to treat symptoms for problems I don’t even have. Maybe I should focus on holding my pants up myself and not rely on outside forces to dictate my choices. Or, y’know, maybe I just forgot to wear my belt.