Tip Toein’ On Tha Straight Edge

Today I was bending over, picking up a bag of coffee beans at my job at “Café Artiste,” when this gross-fest who I work with asked me why I had a big “X” tattooed on my lower back.

My first, most singular, upfront, thought was to accuse him of staring at my butt. I mean, I know that shit is totes stare-able, but can’t we keep it professional to the fullest?

Totes not, apparently.

I had to explain to Gross Face 2008 that I used to be Straight Edge, and being that he is only twenty he totes wasn’t in the know about the Straight Edge era.

I took him in the back room and began to show him all of my gnarly ink.

Actually, give me a milli to quickly say: Thank you, Tony Tatz, you are an inspiration to the world of tattooing and, moreover, to the world of art – sorry I haven’t displayed my grill in a while.

Tony Tatz is the one who is responsible for my name, X Vicky Gnar Gnar X. We started dating while I was getting learn’d at NYU for Chemistry – he was there for Liberal Arts.

I was partying all the time, was totes on the road to Fail City when I met Tony Tatz and he veered me away from the ick-nast world of drugs and drinking. I graduated Sum Cum Laude and he was way to the max responsible for my success.

We broke up shortly after graduation because I had a Mike’s Hard Lemonade on accident.

I know you are all totes calling me out right now for my previous reference to drinking in my preevs blog, I’ve obvs jumped off that wizzagon..

The thing is, I only make minimum wage at my Café job, so drinking is expensive, and getting my tattoos laser-removed is totes out of the quesh.

So I made up my mind right then and there in the back room of “Café Artiste” and decided I’m edge again. I totes DID that twenty-year-old boy in the back room to express myself in my last moment as a plebe of society.

Okay, I gotta go find all my old “Minor Threat” and “Teen Idles” albums and throw away all the new boots I just bought, totes made a cow die, my bad.

Keeping it REAL.

Proudly,