Tigger is not only the biggest asshole in the Hundred Acre Wood but the entire cartoon community. Today we will take a look at the top five reasons why he is an asshole while excluding obvious ones such as the fact that his name is one letter away from “the n word”. So without further ado…

The Top 5 Reasons Why Tigger Is An Asshole

5. He’s the Official Mascot of Poverty – All over the United States, obese 15-year-old mothers draped in grease-stained Tigger sweatshirts drag their malnourished brood across acres of Wal-Mart aisles while blending seamlessly into the flock of similarly dressed dregs of society adorning this all-too-familiar Tigger-sponsored wardrobe of failure. Faded Tigger tattoos forever inked into the cankles of gas station clerks serve as a misguided substitution for lost childhood happiness. The trailer parks of America are waving the Tigger flag of surrender higher than the cartoon tiger could ever wish to bounce. Tigger keeps the poor down by infusing a false sense of joy through his phony animated personality – he is such an asshole.

4. He Has The Voice of an Old Man – Having the voice of an elderly man doesn’t automatically make someone an asshole but this trait must count against Tigger simply because of how creepy it is in contrast to his personality. For all intents and purposes Tigger is a child – innocently bouncing around the forest with a carefree spirit, always looking for someone to play with. Now couple that with the voice of a 74-year-old guy with emphysema and his playful “hoo hoo hoo hoo!” sounds like the mating cry of someone tempting a child with chocolate from the back of a Ford Econoline van with no windows. Tigger hides his voice only to seduce children on instant messenger – he is a creepy asshole.

3. Tigers Do Not Belong in an English Forest – The Hundred Acre Wood is understandably home to a bear, donkey, pig, owl and rabbit. Granted, it is also home to kangaroos but Australian marsupials will not threaten the entire British ecosystem by carnivorously devouring the shit out of all indigenous creatures like, say, a psychotic Indian tiger. Tigger’s invasion and subsequent occupation of “the wood” can only be seen as an act of cartoon terrorism. How is Eeyore supposed to defend himself against a tiger? Mope him to death? Tigger is a ruthless dictator who cleverly infiltrated a habitat with no natural enemies – what an asshole.

2. Over-Inflated Ego - Narcissism and egocentric behavior don’t even begin to describe the bloated ego of Tigger. Ignore his catchy songs about how wonderful and one-of-a-kind he is. At the end of the day – he’s full of shit. Claiming to fly or jump farther than a kangaroo are one thing but Tigger goes out of his way to tell the other animals that he’s willing to eat anything and then proceeds to systematically reject every delicious thing they offer including honey and acorns. Ultimately he concedes to eating extract of malt, which I don’t even think is real food. Face it – Tigger is a deceptive liar that manipulates the naïve forest inhabitants while putting on airs – he’s a self-righteous asshole.

1. Constant Tackling of Other Animals – Up to this point Tigger’s crusade against all that is good has been limited to inflicting psychological damage. But in order to satiate his taste for becoming the ultimate asshole – Tigger takes it upon himself to physically harm others by tackling, pinning and standing triumphantly on top of any challenger to his bitter throne of dickery. The worst part is that no one else is even participating in this struggle for forest douchebag dominance. Rabbit will be quietly hoeing carrots in his garden when Tigger suddenly springs out of thin air, knocking him to the ground and ruining months of work by uprooting his crops. What a bully. What a jerk. What an asshole!

Conclusion - The most wonderful thing about Tigger – is nothing.