The August sun is hotter than Hell which only means that the August videogames are hotter than Hell Hell!

Madden NFL 09

They keep cranking a new edition of this game year after year and I fail to see much improvement. I know that Steven Madden is the biggest name in the National Footwear League but this franchise needs to be taken out back and buried in a box. A shoebox.
Score = Shoes

Braid

French it, twist it and tighten up those cornrows in this Hannah Montana braid simulator for the Nintendo DS. Using the stylus can be difficult when you’re talking to boys, doing your nails and texting your girls all at the same time but the soundtrack from the Jonas Brothers more than makes up for it.
Score = OMG LOL

Bionic Commando Rearmed

I was incredibly upset when the bionic commando lost his arms at the end of the first game – so imagine my elation when Blizzard Studios announced they…rearmed him! The box art is laughingly poor but any chance us gamers get to take out the evil Dr. Wily is a welcome one.
Score = 9.999

Strong Bad: Episode One

More like Weak Bad – Episode Dumb. The controls stink, the graphics stink and the disc literally smells like rotten dumpster meat. I like the online comic strip that it’s based on but someone needs to tell those fellas to stick to making fun of videogames and stop trying to make them.
Score = 0.01

SIREN: Blood Curse

Simon Belmot is whipping his way back to Dracula’s Transylvanian Castle. Capcom has ditched the Metroid-style gameplay for something totally new. Think Rygar meets Super Dodgeball meets Sim Ant and you’re halfway there.
Score = 5.5

Geometry Wars 2

You’d think that a fighting game starring mathematical shapes would be boring. You’d think it’d sucked balls for breakfast. You’d be wrong. Isosceles Triangle’s uneven side attack is cool but look out for the totally lopsided moves of Rhombus!
Score = 3.14159265358979323846…

***Classic Uninformed Review***

Sonic The Hedgehog

Patience is a virtue in this turn-based strategy classic that brought dwarves and wizards from twenty-sided die to your TV screen. The graphics are outdated and new gamers might hate the sluggish pace but all you hogwart fans should count your Sonic blessings because there’d be no Harry The Potter without Sonic The Hedgehog!
Score = 100.5