The season has changed. The leaves have fallen. And there’s nothing left to do but drink cough syrup and watch movies.

Yay!

So here’s your guide to the latest films that I guarantee you’ll need to be hopped up on cold medicine to watch.

Hollywood has provided a family romp, an A-list thriller, and a low-budget horror designed for sexually active teenagers to ignore while rubbing their zits together.

What I’m saying is – it’s a great month for cinema!

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

The best part about this movie is when the Chihuahuas dance on top of an Aztec temple, sing about being Chihuahuas and eat their own feces. Part of this statement is false. There’s no temple.
Thumb Score = F

Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist

Michael Cera has finally come out with a film where he plays a naïve, man-boy learning the ropes of dealing with chicks. Unfortunately, you have to be a female freshman in college to leave the theater with your dignity in tact. Or your eyeballs.
Thumb Score = C

Quarantine

In 2008, a group of people were locked inside a Los Angeles apartment and never seen again. I was really hoping this would be a documentary. And the group of people were the creators of reality television. And the Los Angeles apartment was Paris Hilton.
Thumb Score = C-

Body of Lies

Dicaprio and Crowe team up for what should be the best onscreen duo since De Niro and Pacino but ends up being much more like Shore and Baldwin. I liked this movie better when it was called The Departed. Then again, I liked my Aunt Jerry better when he was Uncle Jerry so I guess life is just full of stupid crap.
Thumb Score = B-

The Express

The most inspirational sports movie about a black athlete since that basketball scene from Big Momma’s House. I’m guessing that Samuel L. Jackson is in this movie, screaming in the stands, and stepping on snakes. That’s why it’s my film of the month!
Thumb Score = A

Burn After Reading

The Coen Brothers depart from No Country For Old Men, a quirky violent romp with a splash of comedy to make Burn After Reading, a quirky comedy romp with a splash of violence. They get surprising performances out of Brad Pitt and George Clooney but that’s only if you’ve never seen Pitt’s work in 12 Monkeys or Clooney’s work on Roseanne.
Thumb Score = A+

***Classic Uninformed Review***

Meatballs

The quintessential 80′s comedy that many forgot and some never heard of. It stars a group of wacky kids at a summer camp and I think Bill Murray for some reason. I’m not sure where meatballs come into play but as an 80′s comedy, I guarantee there are boobs and probably some bush.
Thumb Score = A+++