Six Dollar Burger

I’m trying to get a job writing comedy here in Portland. I wrote the following sketch as part of the application process. I hope you like it.

Six Dollar Burger
INT. Daytime – Fast Food Joint. Adult male (customer) and teenage boy (cashier).

Cashier: Welcome to Carl’s Burger – home of the six dollar burger. How can i help you?
Customer: Yeah, let me get one of those famous six buck burgers.
Cashier: Alright if there’s nothing else today, that’ll be six dollars.
Customer: Great, let me grab my wallet – say that burger doesn’t have onions on it, does it?
Cashier: Yes sir, the six dollar burger has the works – lettuce, onions, tomato…
Customer: Well I don’t care for onions so how much is it without those?
Cashier: Um, $5.75.
Customer: Okay, great. I think I have exact change…wait – the burger doesn’t have a slice of cheese does it?
Cashier: Nope.
Customer: Great.
Cashier: It has three slices of cheese – monteray jack, chedder, american..
Customer: Oh, well I’m lactose intolerant and I’ll be in the bathroom all night if I eat dairy so how much do I owe you without cheese?
Cashier: Subtract the cheese – it’ll be $4.50.
Customer: Great. Sorry to be fussy but…no chance the burger bun is gluten free, huh?
Cashier: I’m not even sure what gluten is…
Customer: Forget the bun, then. How much without the bun?
Cashier: No bun…um…$2.
Customer: I’m assuming the burger patty isn’t vegan is it?
Cashier: Vegan?!
Customer: No problem, I brought my own – this is a vegan patty on a gluten free bun that I want you to cook for me.
Cashier: Uh, sir I don’t think we do that.
Customer: Can’t I have it my way? Customers always right and so forth!
Cashier: Alright, fine but please don’t do this again.
Customer: Thanks.
Cashier: I’ll be right back.
Customer: Hey, aren’t you forgetting something?
Cashier: What now?
Customer: I gave you a burger. So, you owe me six bucks.
Cashier: I can’t pay you for food you brought in.
Customer: So everything is just a hand out for you kids these days, is that it?
Cashier: Hey wait, a minute…this is a fake burger made out of silly putty and play doh.
Customer: There’s chewed bubble gum in there too. Listen, Timmy, just give me the six bucks you owe me and I’ll go back home.
Cashier: Dad, I don’t have the money yet – I just got this job today so you need to wait till I get my first paycheck.
Customer: Fine, are you going to be home for dinner tonight?
Cashier: Yeah, what are we having?
Customer: I was thinking of cooking up some burgers.
Cashier: I really need to get my own apartment.