News Link Dump: Cheetahs and Joaquin Phoenix

Words tell the news but links tell the story.

News Dump:
Videogame giant, Electronic Arts, publishers of this year’s sure-fire hit Mirror’s Edge, fired 600 of its employees this past week, reaffirming the company’s status as the industry leader of enormous lay-offs. At press time, it is unknown whether or not the lack of code monkeys will affect the release of the next yearly Madden update or Steven Spielberg’s top-secret “LMNO” project that promises to make gamers cry for the first time.

News Dump:
This Halloween two cheetahs were flown in the cargo area of a Boeing 757 passenger airliner from Portland, Oregon to Atlanta when one escaped from its cage. The cheetah didn’t damage any luggage or hurt anybody and both big cats were transported safely off the plane to be placed in a zoo in Atlanta before their trip to the Memphis Zoo in Tennessee.

News Dump:
This past week the White House pressured banks to stop hoarding their billions of dollars and start lending. The government tried to resolve the country’s crippling financial crisis by pumping over $700 billion into Wall Street to rejuvenate the economy somehow. Meanwhile, consumer spending remains at an all-time low and unemployment continues to increase as more and more workers find pink slips in their foot lockers.

News Dump:
Joaquin Phoenix had his tinfoil hat on earlier this week when he announced his sudden retirement from the world of acting. Reporters thought he was kidding when he made the announcement but his sudden walk out and abandonment of fellow willowy actor Casey Affleck seems to confirm the end of Joaquin’s love affair with the audience.