My Afternoon With The Candidates

With the election looming, and the great state of Missouri becoming something of a hotly contested area, it came as no surprise to yours truly to spy one John McCain at the Doolittle Shopping Center.

With his lackeys in tow, Gov. Sarah Palin included, Sen. McCain gave what seemed to be a spirited Town Hall Meeting. That is, until I looked closer.

Now, let me preface this account of the rally by reminding you, my most loyal of readers, that I am neither a Democrat or a Republican. I consider myself to live the life of an Independent. I attempted to come out of this gathering with an accelerated knowledge of Sen. McCain’s campaign.

What I ultimately left with, however, was a facial laceration over my left eye, a deep thigh bruise and a heightened sense of … Change We Can Believe In.

Wanting to be front and center for the words of the candidates, I fought my way through the crowds of American Flag T-Shirts and effigies of Sen. Barack Obama. Once I finally arrived to the front of the stage, I hunkered down and got ready for some real political talk. I hadn’t been this excited since the last time I renewed my subscription to Thai Politics and YOU.

I digress…

Finally, the candidates took the stage to a thunderous ovation, bordering on psychopathic. The bloodlust that these heathens showed that day at the Doolittle Shopping Center was like nothing I’ve seen in my tenure at the Sears Customer Service Desk.

Now, I’m accustomed to the aggression stemming from denying someone the opportunity for their money back based on the lovely tan-colored stain the article of clothing has gained. Never before, however, have I been witness to such beastly fervor.

After an hour of spewing his talking points, Sen. McCain opened the floor for questions. This, I thought, would be my opportunity to get to the bottom of some issues. When my turn came, I grabbed the microphone and proceeded to ask Mr. McCain to go in-depth about why his tax plan would benefit the nation more so than Sen. Obama’s might.

“That’s an excellent question, my friend.” Mr. McCain replied. “The fact that Senator Obama has been pallin’ around with terrorists, who I think are old and washed up and don’t REALLY care about anyways…well…Don’t you think his judgment is flawed?”

I stood in frustrated disbelief.

“Um…sure.” I replied, “One more question, Sir. I have a pet Ferret…” That was all I was able to get out before being interrupted. A scream came from the crowd.

“Did he say he’s a FAGGOT?!” the shaved ape asked aloud.

Before I was given the opportunity to clarify that I did, indeed, say “Ferret”, I was pelted in the face with what appeared to be a number of ‘McCain/Palin’ campaign buttons.

As I retreated, an elderly woman decided the best course of action would be to swing her decrepit old arm in my direction. Had that been all, I would’ve been fine. The crutch that she was clutching, however, explains my deep thigh bruise.

This particular day at the Doolittle Shopping Center was more awful than others. I did, however, escape with my dignity. I also left that day with my mind made up in what will prove to be one of the most historic elections of our lives or any other.

Obama/Biden ’08. Get out there and vote.