It’s Just A Drug. You’re On A Drug.

People take anti-depression medication in developed countries but the third world has better medicine. The preferred prescription of the jungle is Tigergonnaeatyourass and the popular pill of the desert is Wherethewaterat?

Some social interactions are so weird they almost become normal. The other day I walked by an old man feeding chickens on his front lawn when a squirrel suddenly ran onto the scene to steal some food. The old man looked at me and said, “Squirrel Vs. Chicken!” and I just looked at him and said, “…Yeah!”

Newspaper headlines can be too specific, such as – “Are You Breastfeeding?” This headline is automatically alienating all the men who cannot breastfeed and a large portion of women too. Sure, I bought that newspaper because I’m currently breastfeeding but that’s only for a role in Junior 2.

Kraft should remarket their Macaroni and Cheese as a sleep aid. After a box of cheese-flavored noodles, I go into an instant coma. No, Kraft, I do not have “the blues” but I do have “the snooze”.

Bluetooth Dog is my million-dollar idea. All I need is a really cute dog and a Bluetooth earpiece. I’m gonna film that little bastard avoiding his regular doggy duties because of really important business calls on his Bluetooth. Look for this show to be on ABC Primetime in a few years.

I like to google-image-search odd phrases and see what kind of weird pictures arrive. It took four pages in a search of “no bones about it” to see boobs! No wieners at all – what’s up, Google?