Drunk Persona

Drinky Crow loves the sauce.

I don’t often get drunk. Maybe once every few months.

And when I say drunk I don’t mean buzzed like some pubescent tween sneaking a sip of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. I mean drunk like slanted sidewalks, pink elephants, and Bukowski.

Drunk like not remembering the precise order of events from night’s end.

Some people have drunk personas that are violent – fighting innocent walls and cursing smudged mirrors. Some booze victims lose basic motors skills – barf on their popped-collared Polo or add a new pee stain to their mattress.

My drunken persona is Martha Stewart.

I’m amazed by waking up and finding the remnants of my intoxicated, housewife activities. No, I’ve never baked an apple brown betty or built an organic ginger bread house under the influence but I have washed the dishes a few times.

Brushing your teeth and putting on pajamas may be mundane sober activities but they’re modern miracles of accomplishment when the lights go off in your head and animalistic decision-making takes over (Do you know how much food eleven dollars worth of taco bell is? I do.)

So what is your drunken persona? Have you accomplished anything particularly amazing when your consciousness hits the eject button and you’re flying on auto-pilot?

7 Comments

Gerald Gunderson says:

November 4, 2008 at 12:15 am

uhhh yeah i know how much $11 of taco bell is cuz once i ate so many chalupas that i shit myself LOL

actually it was when my mom took me to see Madagascar at the mall its kinda why i dont want to see Madagascar 2

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Owl of Parliament says:

November 4, 2008 at 5:01 am

My drunk persona is Danny Bonaduce, except meaner and douchier.

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Tim says:

November 5, 2008 at 1:18 am

All those moments will be lost… in time… like… farts… in wind…

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bvllets says:

November 5, 2008 at 12:04 pm

This is aside from driving and slurring right?

I’d have to say when I get drunk i’m extremely good at making fun of frozen yogurt franchises. And by extremely good, I mean really good.

Fuck your Fro-Yo Sto

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bvllets says:

November 5, 2008 at 12:05 pm

I meant Fuck Yo Fro-Yo Sto

See, it’s cause i’m not drunk.

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julius bloop says:

November 5, 2008 at 2:40 pm

I’m gonna stick with Fro-Yo Sto Yo-Yo.

You Know?

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Angus says:

November 12, 2008 at 10:54 am

Well unfortunately I think you nailed mine with the punching of those bastard walls.

Luckily the walls I currently live within are still as I found them.

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