Grumpy Comedy Reviews – Black Knight
Black Knight opens with Martin Lawrence torturing himself in the bathroom and making weird noises. Apparently, this is his morning routine. It’s a decent way to start the movie – if only to believe Martin Lawrence really does this and is a sad, weird man who exists in a world of self-afflicted pain.
Kind of like someone who chooses to watch Black Knight.
Right away Martin, who works at a Medieval Times-like shit hole, is established as a selfish wiener. Sort of. There aren’t exactly well-written characters in Black Knight. But hey, maybe he’ll learn something useful by traveling back to the middle ages!? Which is what he does, by falling into his workplace’s filthy moat? Okay…
Anyway!
Back in time, and in England, he stumbles upon a bedraggled old guy who collapses. In response, Martin yells “9-1-1! 9-1-1! White man down!” Yeah. That’s the first joke of the movie, and it barely qualifies as one. He suggests the old guy (played by Tom Wilkinson, pre-fame) get some Ikea furniture. Then, he gets lost in the woods and yells, “Brother lost in the woods? Not good! HAYL NO!” Yup. It doesn’t get any better than that either.
That’s Black Knight’s biggest problem as a comedy. There are NO. JOKES. Martin Lawrence’s entire idea of humor centers around making references to modern culture – because in a medieval setting that’s automatically hilarious, right? Oh, and he references other, more famous black celebrities.
That’s it.
He’ll namedrop Mariah Carey or Denzel Washington and expect a laugh – like a hobo begging for Red Lobster. And that’s pretty much how the movie goes for the whole 90 minutes. The modern wacky guy gets in trouble with all sorts of medieval contrivances. Some horse tomfoolery goes on too long. Then he gets leeches on his back. Then there’s a huge dance scene. Hilarious!
It’s sad, and annoying, and if one were so inclined – racist. Later in the movie, a Rodney King “joke” comes out of nowhere, maybe to ensure people are still awake or something, and it’s embarrassing. Like, what the hell compelled Martin Lawrence to do something like that? It’s not funny, it serves no useful purpose, so … is Martin Lawrence a racist jackass?
Maybe not! Somehow he got a black leading lady and even a token Asian girl in the movie. In medieval England. Y’know, because Black Knight should make sense historically.
The only way any of this material could be funny would be to quote it out of context. Like, next time you greet a female colleague yell, “Yo, I’m in the presidential sweet, honey!” And start talking about thongs and bras. Or exclaim, “Thank Tiger for that!” the next time you’re putting at the driving range.
If you’re lucky, someone might snicker and recognize it as a stupid line from this shitty movie. Or you’ll be branded a racist moron forever. Whatever.
HIGHLIGHT: A horse whips its tail into Martin’s face. DAYMN!
***Tim Magus is Julius Bloop’s film reviewer. Visit his website – Grump Factory***
