Give Me The Lute – The Lost Ballad of Lord Smalls
A recently uncovered document reveals the original version of the Notorious B.I.G.’s hit song, Gimme The Loot.
A long deceased ancestor and minstrel named Lord Smalls scribed this ballad onto parchment sometime during the Middle Ages. It is unknown whether or not Lord Smalls was notorious during his time but we believe from his lyrics that he had experience robbing, thieving and leaving victims in the fosse or as it’s known in modern times – the gutter.
Notorious B.I.G.’s Gimme The Loot was released in 1994 as the third track off his debut album, Ready To Die. You can hear Biggie’s recording by clicking here or read the lyrics here.
So, is this discovery proof of re-incarnation or simple happenstance? Will we see another incarnation of Lord Smalls/Notorious B.I.G. somewhere down the annals of time?
Prognostications aside, we are proud to reveal this long forgotten poem…
Give Me The Lute
Latch your fences
Draw your bridge
Lord Smalls
Didn’t pay taxes to salute the Throne
One to three – he’ll be out in 1393
I’m ready to get this coinage, E – you with thee?
And I’m vexed, Lord Smalls where’s thy thievin’ vest?
The first coin purse that’s fat, thy claymore’s in his back
Word is truth, I will shank him, don’t pantomime your moves
Treat it like fencing, parry/salute – parry/salute
I’ve been pilfering these peasants since the plague hit
With the same flail and the same paddle blade
I shank to and fro until I’ve stoned another knave
‘Tis my code, stewards even try to en garde
Have his mother singing like a baaaard
‘Cause a fop that’s speaking rubbish
Tis a fop I’ll gork n’ spew
And spill guts, with the mace I’m swingin’
Scalds on the palms from the cauldron spillin’
Then I gallop ‘cross the moors and I’m roguing wenches too
Up the arrow loops and skirt hoops
I don’t give a groat if your dress shorn
Give me the coronets and the number one male baby born
When it’s time to supper feed, it’s grog or mead
‘Cause thine dowry didn’t giveth thee daub
So for the barm and bullace, I leave beggars in the fosse
Word to vassal, I’m Man-at-arms
Crazier than a fief of mad castle guards
When they breach the vaults, barons fly from catapults
I’m all that and a jester’s hat, where the shillings at?
Give me the lute. Give me the lute.
And I’m spearing squires quicker than a hiccup
Don’t let my double axe up in your loin and cod piece
Order of gold fleece, neither pax nor peace
You’re talking to the thievery sokeman
Step into your pyre with thy blood on my robe
Don’t be a boob and get slashed over being resistant
‘Cause when I pierce chains the knights need assistance
Where the marks at? Where the larks at?
Edmund, hark that – before you get your head dropped
From the hood fop, a bloody guillotine-chop
And my Lord Smalls has an itchy sword grip
Feudal sheriff’s better strip, yeah, justice, peel
Before you find out how broadswords feel
The shilling grabber, Dame’s and Chancellors don’t have better
Crescent moon circlets, tiaras and brooches
I’m pilfering goblets, Henry V couldn’t stop it
Wenches defrock for their earrings and buckles
And when I tag her and drag her I’m taking both her daggers
And if she’s ungentle, hang her, hang her, hang her
Tell him Smalls took it, what decree’s he gonna doom?
And if I set it, the village idiot won’t forget it
Give me the lute. Give me the lute.
But Maiden looks sweet (where’s that?) inside the castle keep
And if he bellows mercy, make haste or it’s the halimote
Hold up, he’s got a princess in the carriage car
Silk, jewels and gown-dressed, she thinks she’s the Queen of all
hit her with the rapier…
Just grab the stead’s mane and gallop ‘round the leet
Her heinous acts scared, in the cesspit she’ll sleep
(My liege, the law!) be still, friend, they will not approach us men
Probably just want to tax again
(So why’s their gaze yet affixed?) I guess to ride the River Styx
I just returned from a bludgeon, not trying to see another dungeon
Oh, great, now they hath spotted my face
You best ride quick, lest we start equestrian chase
So lace up your boots for I’m about to shoot
A true rogue minstrel going out for the lute
This is unbelievable! This turned my whole day around. You are one talented bastard. You should find some people who can play old school instruments and record this, that would be awesome.
I agree, this is simply amazing…My jaw dropped and I laughed aloud while at work reading this in the shitty snowstorm dungeon of Blow Jo…Props homie
I’ll play the SACKBUTT plz.
that was amazing. Right up there with the “Ron Paul” Creek article.
I will get someone to perform this somehow. It is my lives mission now.