Florida Today – Tasered Kid, Puppy Mill and Myspace Beating

Florida. The swampy epicenter of evil, the hellmouth of hope and the flaccid dick dangling between Satan’s furry legs.

I am literally allergic to Florida having gotten horribly ill each time I was unfortunate enough to step through the doom veil that surrounds its borders.

The sooner it is castrated and pushed into the Bermuda Triangle, the better.

So here’s a look at the most recent demonic activities that Florida has offered towards the demise of love and humanity.

Click the headlines for news sources.

11-Year-Old Girl Tasered At School

You are free to do as we tell you and children will not be excluded. Even if the kid is mentally slow.

That’s right, the tasered child apparently has the mental capacity of a 5-year-old but that didn’t stop the security guard from putting her in her place. Come to Florida – we taser retarded little girls!

More Than 120 Dogs Seized From Alleged Puppy Mill

Hey, what are the most innocent and lovable creatures we could enslave in a makeshift, hellish prison? How about puppies!?

The puppies were kept in tiny wire cages to live in their own feces or as Floridians call them “dog houses”.

Teens Arrested Over Beating Posted on MySpace, YouTube

The sickly swamp waters have gone to the heads of our dear, sweet American cheerleaders.

Rather than having traditional pillow fights in their soft, clean, cotton bras and panties, girls affected by the everglade’s toxins seek pleasure in pummeling each other and posting it on YouTube.

Oh, yeah. They also slammed her head into the wall, knocking her unconscious. Although, it remains to be determined whether anyone living inside Satan’s flaccid dick can be considered a conscious human being.