Dumpster News – Gay Iraqi Lohan And Shia Cyrus Love Asian Babes

Attention-starved dumpster Lindsey Lohan and her lesbian partner DJ Samantha Ronson are spreading the rumor that they’re engaged. And no one cares. Pretending you’re a lesbian to get publicity is more desperate than adopting a foreign baby and making a sex tape. With the baby.

An Iraqi man was recently discovered as being gay and was punished by three days of gay sex. Based on that logic, when an unsuspecting mother walks into her son’s bedroom assuming he’s playing Final Fantasy 7 and finds him masturbating, she has to spend the next three days jerking him off. For the record, I now have a close relationship with my mother and I finally beat FF7.

Miley Cyrus and a friend posted a video making fun of fellow Disney Channel tween idol – Selma Gomez. It is well known amongst us fans that there’s an unspoken rivalry between the two pubescent divas. It is also well known that I am writing this behind bars because I made the unfortunate mistake of pairing the words, “nice” and “boobies” under their respective YouTube channels.

Shia LaBeouf finds himself amidst some controversy after being arrested for driving while intoxicated. The incident has delayed shooting on Transformers 2 and George Lucas might not use him in the next Indiana Jones. The doctors told him that regardless of the accident and subsequent fallout, he’ll always remain a Costco-sized box of douches.

ABC News’s Martin Bashir, famous for his exploitation documentary on Michael Jackson, made some disturbing remarks during a speech celebrating minorities in journalism. After referring to some audience members as “Asian babes” he proceeded to thank his podium for hiding his erection. I still don’t understand what the problem is because Asian babes are hot and I’m hard as a rock every time I pick up my dry cleaning.