Once You Go Gerald…

In a move that made those chickenshit Herkimers proud, Lionel skirted our duel. I rubbed Superior Wizard Oil on my Merciless Gladiator’s Spellblade for 6 hours at the Gates of Ironforge, all for naught.

W/e. Another win for General Gunderson. This Herkimer thing is like water under the Blackrock Depths bridge. And summer vacation is almost over, wtf. I’m so glad, though… it’s been a rough one. Why? Leanne and I are separated, that’s why.

Leanne [I call her my LOL, Love O'my Lyfe LOL] is that night elf druid I met at Bible Camp. She lives in New Mexico, so I don’t see her that much, but we spend like 14 hours a day together in The Outlands. Sometimes we quest together, sometimes we just sit in Shattrath and talk in trade chat cuz we like to make everyone else jealous LOL.

We thought the best way to keep our relationship solid was to start a guild. So we created {Jesus is My Epic Trinket} together and it was a huge success. We delivered Christianity to over a dozen Azerothians in the first month:

FlyinHaiAgin: {Jesus is My Epic Trinket} is now recruiting Christians and Heathens alike! Whisper for an invite.
Boingboingurmawm: wat
FlyinHaiAgin: u read it fgt
Boingboingurmawm: u got a guild bank and free guild repairs?
FlyinHaiAgin: ya
Boingboingurmawm: ok kewl invite me lol

All was fine and dandy last Thursday. I was running through Stormwind preaching the gospel of Christ (and eating a Chicken and Bacon Hot Pocket LOL) when I saw Leanne from across the Canal. She was almost nude and dancing with some other gnome!

FlyinHaiAgin: wut the fuck bitch wut is this shit
Leanneonme: um im just makin gold
FlyinHaiAgin: wat
Gnomercy: shes dancin fag leave us alone

It turns out that in addition to enchanting and mining, Leanne had another profession – stripping for fags in capitol cities. Yep, for 5g, she sold the sanctity of our e-lationship.

I did what I had to do. Yeah, we founded the guild together, but I turned in the charter so I’m the REAL Guild Master. I demoted Leanne’s guild rank from Apostle to Witness, and let me tell you: Hell hath no fury like a female druid scorned. Srsly.

Leanneonme: ok Gerald wtf i didn’t deserve that
FlyinHaiAgin: wtf? ok first, when we’re in Azeroth, call me General Gunderson
Leanneonme: fu
FlyinHaiAgin: yeah and second, SINS OF THE FLESH HELLOOOO stop that shit plz unless u wanna be single
Leanneonme: i h8 u

Ok, maybe I went too far. There’s a fine line between “sins of the flesh” and being an enterprising businesswoman, and after all, those 5 gold pieces DID go for our n00bs’ repair bills. I decided to tone it down a little:

FlyinHaiAgin: ok well ur fat so fuk u
Leanneonme: what?
FlyinHaiAgin: u heard me go get a cheeseburger LOL
Leanneonme is ignoring you.
Leanneonme has left {Jesus is My Epic Trinket}.

Yep, bitch blocked me.

She’s in a new guild called {Riders of the Short Bus} but she’ll be back, ‘cuz once you go Gerald, your heart is imperiled – LOL.

Like I said, WORST SUMMER VACATION EVER. I can’t wait to get back to school next week so I can tell everyone about how awesome camp was and brag about my conquests in Azeroth *and* on that battlefield called “Love”.

JUNIOR YEAR BABYYYY!!! LOL

Gerald Gunderson is JuliusBloop.com’s Gaming Correspondent. He writes out of Gary, Indiana.