Crisis Averted, Onward To Glory

I won’t lie, guys. You know how everyone on TV says we’re in a recession? Well, The General has been in a DEPRESSION for like 3 weeks.

Leanne left me, I was failing school, I was actually GAINING weight again lol. I made Gundomomz stock up on Hot Pockets because wtf, my diet isn’t working anyway. The bacon and cheese rules when I’m waiting in the queue for Eye of the Storm lol.

But guess what? Depression over. OVER. Two reasons:

1. Wrath of the Lich King. The expansion. Finally. Glory, even for great warriors, is fleeting. Today’s hero is tomorrow’s goat, and I’ve been bleating like a retarded Golden Guernsey for weeks.

Gladiators can’t repair their glory, their legacy, their legend, without another war. I thought I could maybe get my cred back in dodgeball at school but I got hit in the fucking face Tuesday and my mouth is STILL bleeding.

So, now all I have to do is borrow $44 from my stepdad and I’ll have that new war come November 13, LOL. w/e I’ll just e-mail him and say I’m telling Gundomomz about how he trolls Yahoo! teen chat for 8th graders lol and include a link to the Amazon pre-order for WotLK.

2. I made a new friend. FINALLYYY!!! You guys probably won’t believe this, but not too many people talk to me at school, swear to God. They’re intimidated by my chain and my loner, Gerry-doesn’t-take-shit-from-anyone, persona.

Well, this new kid showed up the other day. His name is Terrance and he RULES cuz he wears striped shirts and plays WoW just like me. The only weird thing is that he’s a Vegan, and I don’t really know what that is but I’ll turn him into a Christian real soon lol.

So I met Terrance in Geometry. We were both sitting in the back and he saw that I’d written “HORDE SUXX LOL” on my notebook. He was all like, “Yeah they do. My name’s Terrance. What realm are you on?”

I didn’t know what to do. No one has really talked to me since Leanne. I didn’t even know this kid. Is he cool? Is he a fag? IDK [my bff Jill? LOL]. I did what all great leaders do: I went Machiavelli on his ass. Better to be feared than loved LOL.

“I’m on Malfurion, faggot. Where’s your shitfuck toon?”

Terrance put his head down in sheepish deference. “I’ve got a 70 Dranei Shaman on Twisting Nether,” he said. “What’s your name?”

I told him the truth. “My name is General Gunderson.” He laughed. Out of ignorance.

“Seriously, what’s your real name? Like your first name?”

“It’s General Gunderson. If you want more, you’re going to have to earn it.”

We did three slope formula problems in total silence. When the bell rang and we shut our Trapper Keepers, I slipped him a note. It read:

“T-Dog, go home and transfer your character to Malfurion if you want to Quest with the Best. Whisper FlyinHaiAgin. PEACE [through superior spell damage].”

I went home, watched some Charmed and logged on. And there was Terrance, ready and willing to serve. I invited him to {Jesus Is My Epic Trinket}.

FlyinHaiAgin: Welcome to The Trinket, my Nubian friend.
igottaBBC: yo what’s up
FlyinHaiAgin: Chillin’. Are you ready to reign supreme?
igottaBBC: ya i gotta make some bandages first lol
FlyinHaiAgin: Make haste. You won’t need bandages once you’re under the protection of The General.
igottaBBC: but ur not a healer?
FlyinHaiAgin: *sigh*

The young ones, they never understand. But he’s an earnest one, I’ll give him that…

Even great leaders question their judgment over personnel matters. Will Terrance serve me faithfully? Will Terrance try to usurp my power? Is he using me to attain his own glory?

FlyinHaiAgin: Listen up, Moor. I don’t want any funny business.
igottaBBC: like what lol? gerry ur intense
*** igottaBBC has been kicked from {Jesus Is My Epic Trinket}.
igottaBBC whispers: wtf?

FlyinHaiAgin: It’s General Gunderson. Who told you my name?
igottaBBC whispers: i saw it on ur lunch card lol
FlyinHaiAgin: oh
*** igottaBBC has joined {Jesus Is My Epic Trinket}.

Patience, Gerry. That’s what I tell myself. He will serve you. He will fight alongside you. You have no one else to sit with at lunch LOL.

FlyinHaiAgin: Sorry, Dark One. I’ve been betrayed before.
igottaBBC: its cool i like u relax, u wanna do Alterac Valley?
FlyinHaiAgin: Yes, Terrance. Yes, I do.

And an era begins. GERRY’n'TERRY 4EVER LOLLLLLLLLLL!