Child Predators Use Nature To Lure Vegan Children

Somebody once told me that snakes are, “just as scared of you as you are of them.” Yeah, I don’t think so. I doubt any snakes are having reoccurring nightmares of being eaten by millions of me.

I walked past this dog today that was staring at me but as soon as I looked at it – it turned its head and pretended I wasn’t there. When I went to confront him about it he hid in his doghouse with just his tail hanging out. Man, that dog was such an asshole.

Sometimes I just want to drop out of society and surf all day. On the internet – not waves. The ocean is scary.

As a kid, my Aunt made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a plastic mold that made the bread look like Mickey Mouse. It’s the closest I’ve come to eating Mickey Mouse’s face. So far…

It’s always embarrassing when you wake up from a daydream at an inopportune time. Like, while you’re speeding on the freeway. With a school bus full of kids. On the way to the hospital. High on crack and completely naked.

Making a pie in olden times must have been amazing. Planting a fruit tree, picking the fresh fruit, baking it in some old oven, cooling it on the windowsill, having it stolen by hooligans, murdering your neighbors, burying them in your yard, fertilizing the soil, planting more fruit trees…

Kids hate to brush their teeth and won’t eat onions. Adults enjoy onions and don’t mind brushing their teeth. Old people love to brush their teeth with onions.