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Hello.

I am working very hard.

On a brand new JuliusBloop.com.

You will be happy.

I will be happy.

Hobos will be hungry.

I mean, happy.

Stay tuned.

To the Internet.

This Website.

In particular.

Thanks.

Balls.

The Internet is full of crap claiming to be comedy.

I am your filter.

Here are the comedy news sites you need.

AV Club Interviews: Onion offshoot containing comedian interviews
The Sound of Young America: Great Podcast with Comedians
The Apiary: NYC comedy news

Here are some humor blogs that actually contain comedy.

Thighs Wide Shut: Just. Read. This.
The Acorn King: Silly, weird stuff
The Nerdist: Chris Hardwick’s Blog
You’re In My Area: Jen Kirkman’s Blog

You may have noticed a couple of new columns featured at the Bloop - namely Desk Clerk Diaries and Totes Bloggin’.

Desk Clerk Diaries is written by my good friend and former comedy partner, Michael Bisson. Mike and I co-directed an improv/sketch comedy group in college and have remained in touch since.

Totes Bloggin’ is written by the girl who single-handedly got me involved in that same improv/sketch group - Beki Gibney. She’s also a good friend and coincidentally, very funny.

So I’m extremely excited to have both of these talented weirdos writing for me and I hope you’re enjoying their work so far. More is on the way in the coming weeks.

In other news, I’ve started hammering out the basic details of the Merrill show and I’m just happy that some of the thoughts floating around my brain over the past few months now exist on paper. It’s a start.

Also, the Eskimo hobo posse in my neighborhood is rolling about six deep now and can be officially be classified as an Eskimo hobo entourage.

The Internet is full of crap claiming to be comedy.

I am your filter.

Here are the comedy videos you need.

Channel 101: Online TV Station featuring original content
Blame Society: Home of Chad Vader and much more

Here are some humor blogs that actually contain comedy.

The Reasonable Ego: Unique voice and original topics
Leigh Online: Gives blogging a much-needed feminine touch
Angry Seafood: Random, solid content
Mattress Police: Features popular caption contest
Comedy Central Insider: Comedian news

The Internet is full of crap claiming to be comedy.

I am your filter.

Here are the comedy news sites you need.

A Special Thing: Alternative comedy forum
Dead Frog: Comedy news blog

Here are some humor blogs that actually contain comedy.

Vonnegut’s Asshole: Offensive in a good way
Dead Rooster: Well-written and interesting topics
WTFis up with bvllets: Some good jokes
The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely: Character-based blog
Dotson Salutes: Chris Doston’s blog

First of all, I’d like to thank everyone for their support regarding the About A Bloop short documentary. I’m always very appreciative of your comments.

Note: I’m even more appreciative of cash.

In other Bloop news, the Perpetual Thought Machine column is now being featured on the brand new “future news” comedy site MuddyGrail.com.

I’m not getting paid for it and I haven’t noticed any increased traffic but, hey, if one more person gets a chuckle out of my groundbreaking “dogbot” jokes then it’s worth it.

Next week I’ll be debuting a new column from an old comedy partner of mine. “Comedy partner” as in we “had sex together” and it was “funny”. What’d you think I meant?

Weirdo.

His column will be a blog parody that I’m very excited about and I’m happy to have him on board. So look for that sometime on Monday and there will probably be a Neil Hamburger interview posted this weekend.

I enjoyed my vacation but it’s good to be back writing for the website that was recently accessed by a google search of “young retarded comedian”.

That’s me!

Sorry, weirdos, but I’m on vacation for a couple of weeks. I’m making a return visit to Dumpsterville and will not be able to update.

On the plus side, things are coming along nicely in my quest to absorb sitcoms-writing knowledge so that the Merill TV Show can be as awesome as humanly possible.

Try not to cry too much, and hey, maybe I’ll visit you while I’m out of my writing cave.

The Grand Canyon is a pretty big hole.

We are scheduled to complete editing the Julius Bloop short documentary on Wednesday. With any luck it will be online sometime by the end of the week.

So you weirdos can hear me talk about crap like toilet bowls filled with ice cream.

Sorry that there was no Jolene last week but I didn’t have a solid inspiration. Luckily, I spotted some Vagisil while food shopping today and subsequently walked up and down the aisles laughing hysterically. Like an idiot.

Therefore, there will be a new Jolene this week.

I stumbled upon a great presentation by Robert Mankoff, The New Yorker’s cartoon editor in which he discusses and deconstructs humor. The Past, Present and Future of Humor might only interest me but I figured I’d share it with you just in case.

Anyway, I bought four books on writing TV sitcoms so I’m looking to dive headfirst into properly developing the Merrill TV show. I’ve also been submersing myself in comedy thanks to Netflix so if you have any recommendations please COMMENT.

Thanks.

No sun today.

Bloop activities are going pretty well - the Jolene Podcast has over 20 subscribers and some weirdo called me an “escaped retard“. Yay!

I demand you leave comments. All of you. You know who you are. Mike, Kyle, Grandpa Bonerface and Cookies the rabid rabbit.

I need your comments as a means to reinforce that, yes, people do actually read this crap and as a way for us to come together.

I would like to wish Greg and Sara my congratulations on their marriage. I think I gave Greg the first condom you consummated your relationship with. That’s weird.

I would also like to congratulate the hobo I’ve nicknamed “Milwaukee’s Best” for defeating the vagrant I call “Uncle Gummy” in a friendly brawl near the dumpster behind 7 Eleven.

Unfortunately, I still can’t bum you a cigarette because I haven’t picked up smoking since the last time you asked. Yesterday.

Comments?

It’s hot.

Updates have slowed down because I’m actually working a job now that requires me to hover, dead-eyed, over a fryer in a hot kitchen, waiting for some fat guy’s chicken wings to finish cooking so that I can collect the meager paycheck that allows me to live another day in my hot dog-stinking apartment.

There is a short documentary being made about Julius Bloop that will be awkward and embarrassing considering I’ve accomplished nothing outside of creating a Wordpress blog on my friend’s server but it gave me the opportunity to walk into a tree about a dozen times so it may be worth it.

I’ve been trying to recruit some funny people to help contribute to the site but it’s difficult because everyone is busy eating food and making money to buy food and thinking about what kind of food they’re going to eat next.

It’s been a strange experience trying to promote this website. I’ve handed out about a hundred business cards asking people to send me an e-mail and guess how many responses I’ve received? A thousand!

I often confuse a thousand with zero.

I honestly think if someone asked me to visit their stupid rubber spoon website I’d at least take the nine seconds to respond, “Hey, nice spoons!” Even if I really hate rubber spoon websites.

So I’m pretty disappointed by the lack of traffic but I will continue writing comedy because I honestly don’t know what else to do. I guess I could impregnate some fat, ugly, goat but I’m afraid it will eat my hat.

I don’t know what that means.