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Santa's Village Adds Therapy Hut
You know you live in a city of lazy people when your mailman says good morning at 1pm. Also, he’s on a segway. And wearing a diaper. Y’know? I’m not sure he’s the mailman.
Home » Editorials (Page 4)
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State Of The Bloop Address – Slow Grind Blooping
Well, things have become incredibly slow around here.
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Fat Symmetry Becomes A Reality
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. The way to an artichoke’s heart is through dip.
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It's Just A Drug. You're On A Drug.
People take anti-depression medication in developed countries but the third world has better medicine. The preferred prescription of the jungle is Tigergonnaeatyourass and the popular pill of the desert is Wherethewaterat?
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Mario Kids Trade Mushrooms For Pumpkins
Everyone thinks energy drinks are a new phenomenon but people have always had them. Coffee has been around for centuries and in the 80′s people drank cocaine.
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Stream Writing – Smokin' Joe
*This is a completely un-edited piece of stream of consciousness writing. It’s a writing exercise that took about five minutes. It is what it is!*
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Surfin' Grandma Canes Her Way Into Semi-Finals
It’s impossible to choose a career when you’re a kid. My best friend swore he’d grow up to be a marine biologist but he ended up being a gay dude.
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Can't Teach An Old Alchemist New Transmutations
Today was just another ordinary day at Dan Plesac Technical High School in Gary, Indiana. Uh, ordinary other than that it was the first day of my SENIOR YEAR LOLOLOLOL!!!!11 You got it, bish. Senior year. We’re the Alpha males, we’re the raid leaders, we’re King Wrynn of Stormwind, and every peon below us is fishing crocolisks out of the sewers for some low-level daily quest. The first day of Senior Year felt just like the moment I dinged to [...]
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The Ballad of Marjorie Menopause
“You gave me strength. You held my hand.
You dried my womb. You gave me crabs.”Those were the final prophetic words left by the one that got away. The one with glorious treats. The one named Marjorie Menopause.
We met at a church bake sale on the outskirts of Turdland. She was selling her famous rice crispy treats and I was just high enough to need one.
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Will You Ride My Scooter In Lieu Of A Mustache?
There’s nothing worse than a pimple on your lip. Except maybe getting tied to railroad tracks and not being saved by Popeye. That’s my short list of the worst things ever.
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My Pants Are Like Fed Ex – Full Of Package
Some tan lines can be awesome. Like, the old man I saw with distinct sock lines the other day. That guy can party.
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