The phallic-infused first person shooter Bulletstorm developed by People Can Fly and Epic Games and published by EA Games couldn’t come at a better time.
Dicktits.
Playing like a faster-paced first person version of Gears of War with a bit of Burnout-style flair via the skillshot system and dick tons of self-deprecation, Bulletstorm breathes new life into a genre that I was getting slightly bored with.
If you mate with a zombie that is tied up and gagged – would that be considered necrophilia? Even if it was, is it wrong? If true, is Twilight by Stephanie Meyer considered obscene and immoral? Obscene in that vampires are dead (yet alive) and immoral in that it makes millions of young women (and single 40+ year old men), want to offer their throbbing loins to them? Seeing as how popular the series has become in both print and [...]
Before we begin, allow me to share a short story.
I open the door to the bar after failing to notice the sign in the long and dark alley. It has been a miserable day at the academy and I really need a drink to take the edge off.
Upon entering, I sense deja vu. I take a seat at the bar, utter some kind words and order a drink.
Before going to sleep, many little girls and boys pray for a new Barbie, an Xbox game or a secret visit to the donut shop (re: fat kids).
When I go to sleep, I hope when I wake up I’m somehow transformed into a geisha to be used by a group of karaoked-out Japanese business men during one of their wicked bukaki sessions.
Yet, I continue to wake up the same broke, over-educated, unemployed and now balding jackass with man-boobs that I’ve been for a while.
When the best part of the videogame you just bought is that at some point it ends, you know you played a terrible game.
Such is the case with EA’s reboot of their Medal of Honor (MOH) series, the videogame equivalent of waking up from a nap, looking in the mirror and seeing that you are now Rosie O’Donnell.
When the first DJ Hero was announced – I was intrigued. For years, I’ve enjoyed playing timing-based music games from Guitar Hero 2 through Rock Band 2. The latter I’ve put hundreds of hours into, much of which spent playing the downloadable content (D.L.C.).
So I was excited for DJ Hero because it offered the genre something fresh: new types of music to tap to and a new controller to learn.
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