Today was just another ordinary day at Dan Plesac Technical High School in Gary, Indiana. Uh, ordinary other than that it was the first day of my SENIOR YEAR LOLOLOLOL!!!!11 You got it, bish. Senior year. We’re the Alpha males, we’re the raid leaders, we’re King Wrynn of Stormwind, and every peon below us is fishing crocolisks out of the sewers for some low-level daily quest. The first day of Senior Year felt just like the moment I dinged to [...]
I won’t lie, guys. You know how everyone on TV says we’re in a recession? Well, The General has been in a DEPRESSION for like 3 weeks.
Leanne left me, I was failing school, I was actually GAINING weight again lol. I made Gundomomz stock up on Hot Pockets because wtf, my diet isn’t working anyway. The bacon and cheese rules when I’m waiting in the queue for Eye of the Storm lol.
I just didn’t know what to do. I stopped eating Hot Pockets, I stopped drinking Rockstar. Yeah, I went to school, but I wasn’t in the mood to learn anything. I even stopped showering every other day.
In a move that made those chickenshit Herkimers proud, Lionel skirted our duel. I rubbed Superior Wizard Oil on my Merciless Gladiator’s Spellblade for 6 hours at the Gates of Ironforge, all for naught.
Well, the Family Feud continues.
In my time as a General of the Alliance’s God-willed forces – going on 2 years now, mind you – I’ve learned that the past never ceases to haunt even the most capable commanders.
Such is the case with General Gunderson, whose leadership lineage hearkens back to the American Revolution. JuliusBloop writer Lionel Herkimer knows a little something about the Gunderson clan.
I bet you’ve all wondered where I’ve been. Wanna know? Worst summer vacation ever.
Srsly.
Those of you concerned chiefly with my studies and professional well-being will be relieved – I pwned the 10th grade. GENERAL GUNDERSON IS A JUNIOR, BABY! lol.
Remember reading Julius Caesar in sophomore English? I do, because it was last month. Shakespeare wrote “cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war,” which sounds pretty rad. But guess what?
Shakespeare never met my mom.
The “dogs of war” can’t slip anywhere when they’re cooped up in a kennel because mom didn’t pay the internet bill. Thanks, mom, for keeping General Gunderson away from his troops.
I am at the mercy of children for approximately 86 hours per week.
I speak, of course, of my time spent in the World of Warcraft. I am a Gnome Warlock, a Master Alchemist and an Auction House tycoon.
I rule.
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