Subscribe
Become a fan
My Afternoon With The Candidates
With his lackeys in tow, Gov. Sarah Palin included, Sen. McCain gave what seemed to be a spirited Town Hall Meeting. That is, until I looked closer.
Home » Editorials » Desk Clerk Diaries
-
-
Back In Business
“Well,” said Terry, “our bloodhound, Cooter, had gave birth to a buncha’ pups…and, well…we needed a place to store some.”
-
Vacation Time For A Gentleman
Not 15 minutes after I finished my Mocha Latte and Cinnamon Pecan Strudel, I felt a most unholy rumbling in my stomach.
-
It's Hot Out There
You’re absolutely right – this weather is perfect for my mild skin condition. The climate that I’m referring to is the POLITICAL climate…
-
It's A Real Zoo Out There
This past weekend was the annual “Bring Your Asshole Pet to the Doolittle Shopping Center” event. I can’t even begin to describe the asinine amount of morbidly obese couples who decided that today, of ALL days, was the best time to not only drag their crippled mutt from its doggy-bed to my Sear’s Customer Service counter, but also return their Zark Brand Homemade Pasta Machine. It seems as though they were disappointed when, instead of healthy homemade pasta helping them [...]
-
Searching For My Soul Mate
Greetings, most gracious readers. As I sit here at my desk in the Customer Service Department at the Doolittle Shopping Center Sears, I’ve become quite clear of one thing: I would like to find someone. My last real girlfriend was Loretta Chung. She didn’t seem to think my passion for 17th Century Central Asian Law was a good enough excuse to forget our first year anniversary. The nerve of some people. Truth be told, Loretta wasn’t really right for me. [...]
-
Why For Art Thou?
I recently took an afternoon off at my Sears Customer Service post to enjoy what I thought would be an afternoon of culture and class. I was sorely mistaken. My ill begot endeavor began innocuously enough. I jumped in my 1999 Toyota Tercel and started my supposed day of culture with a trip to a local coffee shoppe. I ordered the usual (coffee – black, bagel – dry) and sat down with my copy of European Politics Today. Suddenly, there [...]
-
A Reponse To Clear The Herkimer Name
It has come to the attention of Mindaugus and myself that the Herkimer name has taken a lashing on this here website. To my dismay, fellow editorial writer Gerald Gunderson has made numerous attacks on me, my faithful ferret and General E. Herkimer, who lost his life while fighting side by side with one of the “Gundoz”. Mr. Gunderson has called on me to join him in his World of Warcraft realm to settle this centuries-old dispute, once and for [...]
-
New Hot Plate And Old Complaints
Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. Thing is, it just gets so hectic around here at the Sears Customer Service desk, I rarely have a free minute to collect my thoughts. Whenever there’s an opportunity for a little Lionel-time, some troglodyte comes to me with the most asinine set of complaints. Do they have any idea how miniscule their grievances sound when compared to the political strife of the Turkish ultra-nationalists? I can only listen to these clods [...]
-
Why Can't You People Just Be Happy?
It seems more and more every day that my job at the Sears Customer Service counter is just not for me. If I receive one more complaint about the rotting hole in the ceiling of the woman’s changing room, it will be the straw that breaks the monkey’s back. It’s everything I have in me not to tell them they’re lucky that Reginald from the custodial staff has run out of videotapes. Why can’t you people just be happy? So, [...]
RSS Feed
Email
Facebook
Youtube