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Creek of Consciousness

Government Enacts Elimination of the Bowl Cut: Offers Free Hippo Rides

Written on 26 Jan, 2008 at 5:59 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 42 times | 4 Comments

Someone once told me that eating fast food is incredibly unhealthy for your body. I don’t remember who told me that, though. Oh, that’s right, it was my asshole. Taco Bell is to me as canned spinach is to Popeye. However,... (Continue reading)

Aliens Traverse Space and Time to Abduct Metallica Prior to Haircuts

Written on 21 Dec, 2007 at 21:52 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 52 times | 1 Comment

There’s never enough time in the day and that’s why cloning is necessary. My clone will eat peanut butter cookies by the sleeve and have a harem of smokin’ hot girlfriends – one to represent each race. But I better... (Continue reading)

Emo Bulls Refuse to Run In Pamploma.

Written on 14 Dec, 2007 at 3:43 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 33 times | 0 Comments

If this was medieval times and I was King, I’d commission the greatest bakers in the land to make a dragon-sized donut. I’d take one bite out of it and declare it the most delicious treat among the living. Then... (Continue reading)

Scotch and Cigars: The Lecherous Grandpa Diet Since 1494

Written on 8 Dec, 2007 at 2:44 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 48 times | 1 Comment

Next time you’re cutting up those plastic loops that hold together a six-pack of cans make sure you say, “There you go, ducks. Saved you again.” Then, later that evening when you’re at a fancy restaurant eating roasted duck slathered... (Continue reading)

New Study Suggests Bald Assholes Think Stuffed Koala Bears Are Babies.

Written on 29 Nov, 2007 at 3:39 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 68 times | 5 Comments

Grandfather clocks are too expensive. Unless grandfathers actually turn into clocks when they die – then they’d be totally worth it. I’d buy the Rodney Dangerfield grandfather clock so that time would be hilarious and get no respect. The happiest place... (Continue reading)

Space Gas on Mars has reached 9 trillion Glorps per Gallon.

Written on 21 Nov, 2007 at 7:17 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 28 times | 0 Comments

... (Continue reading)

The TV Writer’s Strike has led to the firing of the crew from ABC’s Snazzle Hats.

Written on 15 Nov, 2007 at 21:22 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 32 times | 0 Comments

Human ingenuity can transform everyday items into remarkable, multifaceted objects. For instance, a hobo in downtown Portland discovered that a broken umbrella can become a magical cloaking device that conceals the act of smoking crack from passersby. I almost slipped and... (Continue reading)

Ron Paul is 17-feet tall and has the Bill of Rights tattooed on his balls.

Written on 7 Nov, 2007 at 19:56 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 48 times | 3 Comments

One time I had to sleep at a truck stop behind a Wendy’s with a horny old trucker driver. His name was Hugo and after he had his way with me the only things he left were a dirty... (Continue reading)

Some nerds built a life-size version of Mouse Trap and life is good.

Written on 2 Nov, 2007 at 1:42 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 31 times | 0 Comments

Legitimate painters are still fuming over the success of Bob Ross. That guy shat out joyful trees and friendly mountains and subsequently became adored by millions because of playful musings and an Afro whose only rival in sheer fluffiness were... (Continue reading)

The Ultimate Warrior was made out of 100% muscles and tassles.

Written on 23 Oct, 2007 at 19:42 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 27 times | 0 Comments

When it’s time to explain the fragility of life to your child – explain to him that even Cap’N Crunch eventually gets soggy. And if he still doesn’t understand – put the padded helmet back on his head and tighten... (Continue reading)

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