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Creek of Consciousness

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Talking Machines Going Fast – Get Yours A Hundred Years Ago

Written on 25 Jun, 2008 at 3:45 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 75 times | 0 Comments

Paranoia can often be misplaced. Lately, I haven’t been scanning my rewards card at the supermarket because I think the government is monitoring my spending habits. The CIA is gonna know I love Mountain Dew! When bachelor life gets a bit... (Continue reading)

Androgynous Child To Marry Captain StillbornFace

Written on 19 Jun, 2008 at 0:44 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 762 times | 15 Comments

It’s sad when you realize how low you’ve set your life expectations. The other night I had an elaborate dream in which I complained about the small nacho portions at a local sports bar. Tomorrow night I’m shooting for a... (Continue reading)

Old Coot Prepared To Beat The Shit Out Of Everyone

Written on 8 Jun, 2008 at 20:13 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 98 times | 5 Comments

Why doesn’t shampoo have a protective seal over it like food? Criminals might poison my bottle of Suave and send me to an early grave. Just because most people don’t eat shampoo doesn’t mean that some of us don’t need... (Continue reading)

Perpetual Thought Machine – Two Squids, One Bucket Dominates Internet

Written on 30 May, 2008 at 5:11 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 99 times | 4 Comments

MTVh1 had Donald Trump III on Space Cribs last night and his residence pod was beyond typical extravagance. Sure, he had oil lamps and a hangar filled with luxury air cars but I almost feinted when they revealed his banana... (Continue reading)

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“Tire On Asian Grandma” – Hottest New Carnival Attraction

Written on 27 May, 2008 at 4:18 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 55 times | 2 Comments

It’s weird how guarded we speak when not amongst friends. Recently, I overheard a couple discussing how traffic was the worst thing in the world and I really wanted to say, “Yeah, traffic’s bad but I’m pretty sure getting butt-raped... (Continue reading)

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Perpetual Thought Machine – Segway Bridge Construction Delayed Due To Lack Of Interest

Written on 15 May, 2008 at 5:50 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 49 times | 2 Comments

Sometimes, one little discovery can solve a great mystery. Like when your travel disc won’t start and suddenly you notice the Jupiter crystal is dirty or when Bea Arthur cast aside her lowly celebrity shell and was finally revealed as... (Continue reading)

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Alien From Galaxy 420, “Take Me To Your Nachos”

Written on 13 May, 2008 at 4:29 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 62 times | 2 Comments

Olden times were stupid. Pegs legs and Morse code. Also, did antique hobos use wheelbarrows instead of shopping carts? The answer is…indubitably. I want to open a bar and call it “The Internet.” Mankind’s prayers will be answered and people can... (Continue reading)

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Perpetual Thought Machine – My Flying Car Has A Flat

Written on 9 May, 2008 at 0:39 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 34 times | 1 Comment

Downloadable food seemed like such a great idea when Applesoft introduced it in 2105 but I prefer to order my beef-flavored sustenance packets the old fashioned way – by text messaging Wal-Mart. The easiest way to tell if someone’s a morning... (Continue reading)

Secrets Of The Catholic Church Reveal Puppet Pope

Written on 5 May, 2008 at 18:04 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 45 times | 0 Comments

Whenever I’m feeling particularly frustrated, I pop on a wonderful little diddy called Slaughtered by PanterA to cheer me up. Try it out for yourself PanterA – Slaughtered I see dudes who are clearly queer dating women and looking prettier than... (Continue reading)

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Final Fantasy Fan Voted “Least Likely To Get Laid”

Written on 21 Apr, 2008 at 23:33 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 67 times | 2 Comments

Recently, I decided to forgo taking a nap in lieu of something more productive so I washed the dishes. As punishment from the nap Gods, I cut my finger on a steak knife. Germans hate everyone. Did you know that... (Continue reading)

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