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Creek of Consciousness

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Bertha Barfa’s Back Alley Milk Stand Busted

Written on 14 Oct, 2008 at 10:30 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 32 times | 0 Comments

There have to be cloud bugs, right? They feed on the fluffy air and pee raindrops? And some cloud bugs make lightning? What I’m trying to say is – I don’t understand weather.... (Continue reading)

Tagged with: america's next top model cow lady

I’m Gonna Bone You And The Bird’s Gonna Watch

Written on 1 Oct, 2008 at 11:51 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 54 times | 3 Comments

When the chocolate Pop Tart came out, people scoffed, “Dessert for breakfast?!” Now, with flavors like Hot Fudge Sundae and Cookies And Crème, they see Blueberry on the shelf and say, “Gay for breakfast?!”... (Continue reading)

Captain Banana Crushes Bank, Saves Economy

Written on 24 Sep, 2008 at 0:15 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 58 times | 3 Comments

I struggle back and forth between being hot and cold so much you’d swear I was a menopausal woman. Also, I can no longer menstruate. And I hate your father.... (Continue reading)

Weirdo Exposes Balls Trying To Kick Fire Baby

Written on 18 Sep, 2008 at 1:01 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 78 times | 10 Comments

Why is maple syrup so expensive? Oh, that's right – because it’s tree blood. And the beaver is nature's vampire.... (Continue reading)

World’s Most Unoffensive Mascot Is Oddly Offensive

Written on 8 Sep, 2008 at 0:24 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 50 times | 5 Comments

...and I was so upset that you’d swear in that moment - I had a baby, named it, and raised it just long enough for it to kick me in the balls and runaway forever.... (Continue reading)

Dorleen Muntz Wins Gold In The 100m Child Abuse

Written on 20 Aug, 2008 at 1:43 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 50 times | 2 Comments

I check my email so frequently that I look forward to spam just so I have something to delete. Dear TV Programmers – give women’s beach volleyball its own channel. Some naysayers will scoff at the idea but we’ll make the... (Continue reading)

Kramer Stabbington Leaves For Murder Camp

Written on 7 Aug, 2008 at 0:06 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 48 times | 8 Comments

Some complain we live in an overly-cautious society but it’s a good thing new hotels have sprinkler systems in the bathroom or I never would have put out that toilet fire. Bad things are funny in sandwich form. Turd sandwich, Racist... (Continue reading)

Perpetual Thought Machine – Caffeine Donuts May Cause Yummy Cancer

Written on 31 Jul, 2008 at 0:17 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 62 times | 1 Comment

I’ve been thinking of vacationing outside the dome but then I’d have to pick up my environsuit from the cleaners, rent artificial lung tanks and brush up on my Flargonese. “Gleetor Doo” means, “Where’s the toilet pad?” Whatever, Flargons! Lawyers are... (Continue reading)

Tagged with: future comedy future humor future jokes

Crystal Meth Wagon Greets America’s Beach Babies

Written on 22 Jul, 2008 at 22:45 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 73 times | 0 Comments

I remember the night I saw that future car with the canary wings. I also remember earlier that morning when I ate those mushrooms. Tree heaven is the bottom of a waterfall. After hundreds of years being deeply rooted in the... (Continue reading)

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Perpetual Thought Machine – Healthy Cigarettes Banned From Seedy Joints

Written on 15 Jul, 2008 at 3:08 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 63 times | 0 Comments

Puberty is an awkward time for everyone but it was downright traumatizing for me. It wasn’t so much the hair in strange places but the shock of my first poop. I often wonder where colloquialisms like, “Whoomp there it is!” and,... (Continue reading)