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Mojo Humphries Will Eat Your Goodie Bag

Written on 28 Jun, 2009 at 18:12 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 108 times | 9 Comments

A good name for a cat is Ricky Retardo. A good name for a retarded person is Whiskers.... (Continue reading)

Baby Monsters Clean Out Ice Cream Trucks

Written on 16 Jun, 2009 at 13:03 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 85 times | 0 Comments

Dear Kevin, A snickers bar and an energy drink is not breakfast. To further illustrate my point, here’s some diarrhea. Sincerely, your body.... (Continue reading)

Flag Flu Spreads Wildly Through America

Written on 26 May, 2009 at 0:05 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 17 times | 0 Comments

Amazon.com knows me too well. Recently, they suggested three items based on my recent purchases – a heavy metal album, a bandana and Golden Girls Season Five. I’m not sure which to buy first! Answer: Golden Girls.... (Continue reading)

Filling Daddy’s Shoes And My Underpants

Written on 19 May, 2009 at 15:20 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 18 times | 5 Comments

The shower is like a womb with rain where you cover yourself in perfume to distract people in the outside world from your constant pooping.... (Continue reading)

Boner Festival Is A Rousing Success

Written on 5 May, 2009 at 11:09 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 26 times | 2 Comments

If I had a peanut butter gun, I’d shoot people for a while but then I’d probably just make sandwiches. Eventually, I’d get sick of cleaning and refilling my peanut butter gun and return to the knife and jar method.... (Continue reading)

Alcoholic Doll Glamour Shots Flood Blackmarket

Written on 21 Apr, 2009 at 13:45 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 29 times | 8 Comments

There’s a fine line between things that are close together. There’s a thick line between peas and my mouth.... (Continue reading)

Child Predators Use Nature To Lure Vegan Children

Written on 30 Mar, 2009 at 0:01 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 23 times | 5 Comments

Somebody once told me that snakes are, “just as scared of you as you are of them.” Yeah, I don’t think so. I doubt any snakes are having reoccurring nightmares of being eaten by millions of me. ... (Continue reading)

Wall Street Noose Market Open For Business

Written on 17 Mar, 2009 at 0:34 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 13 times | 4 Comments

I hate when some random dude punches you in the face even though you are minding your own business - in the bowling alley bathroom - hiding in a stall - standing on a broken toilet - videotaping the urinal... (Continue reading)

Amazing Pigcat Show Debuts At Local Trailer Park

Written on 3 Mar, 2009 at 1:34 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 24 times | 3 Comments

Monkey-dolphins are man's best friend - whether they're swimming in your bathtub, swinging from your chandelier or simply enjoying a sea banana. I’ve often dreamt of having another pet monkey-dolphin but it just wouldn’t be the same. Rest in peace,... (Continue reading)

NBA All-Star Weekend 1883 is Hoop Heaven

Written on 17 Feb, 2009 at 2:30 in Creek of Consciousness | viewed 18 times | 6 Comments

It’s impossible to reference churning butter without it becoming sexual. Unless you actually churn butter for a living– then you probably hate to stroke weiners after work. Or maybe you're the dong-tug master? I'm really confused. ... (Continue reading)

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