Crystal Meth Wagon Greets America’s Beach Babies

Toby and Tabitha stop by the crystal meth wagon for some summer fun.

I remember the night I saw that future car with the canary wings. I also remember earlier that morning when I ate those mushrooms.

Tree heaven is the bottom of a waterfall. After hundreds of years being deeply rooted in the Earth, there’s no greater death than tumbling off a cliff and landing at the bottom of one. Sure, you’re a dead tree, but, man…waterfall!

There are some hobbies I’m glad I never picked up. Like reading. I don’t know how people find time to read in-between sleep and napping.

Sometimes a personal triumph is a tragedy in disguise. Recently, I was so proud of myself for buying fruit for the first time until I realized how sad it was that I’d never bought fruit before.

It’s almost worth the disgusting smell that results from working in a kitchen for that amazing clean feeling after taking a shower. I imagine it’s like cleaning your vagina after having a baby. Okay, I don’t know why I immediately thought of that.

Girl math. Skirt plus bike equals yay!

A smoke break during work is the perfect time to contemplate important things about one’s self. Like, when does a job become a career, will I ever find true love and why have I never seen a retarded black person?

I can’t wait to get hit by a bus and become a paraplegic so each day becomes videogames and pudding time.

Ultimately, I’m paranoid of getting hit by a bus but not because I’m afraid of dying. I’m scared of surviving, having to go to the hospital, pay medical bills, and god forbid lose a limb or something. Death is scary…but inconvenience is terrifying.

~bloop

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