Editorials

Tips for fun folks because life is a smile party

The following was printed in The Leader on Wednesday April 12, 2006 in response to the increasing amount of letters by local community members and school administration attacking these editorials.

Good morning, mom, dad and God. I love you all. The twinkle in my eye can only mean that today is the most wonderful day since yesterday!

Hi, my name is Uncle Sammy the Patriotic Puppy and I make my living cheering up fun folks whose super lives are full of candy corn surprises and whipped cream smile parties.

Before I get too excited and start wagging my fuzzy tail like the humming bird flaps its wings, there are a few tips I’d like to share if you ever want to cheer up your co-workers and spread joyful times like cream cheese on an everything bagel.

Sammy tip #1: Celebrate, celebrate and celebrate. When life is an ice cream dream and every sunny day is covered in rainbow sprinkles, there’s always room for cake. If it isn’t a co-workers birthday, try celebrating their half-birthday, un-birthday or their inevitably huge job promotion!

But remember to put your own spin on the Birthday Song because it’s copy written and you never want to rustle any feathers no matter what the cost. If you’re not going to have a winning attitude then you’re going to be losing with a bad-i-tude.

Sammy Tip #2: Write jubilant letters to express your gleeful message and confirm that everyone shares your opinions on gumdrops and lollipops.

There’s nothing worse than a “somber Steve” or a “melancholy Mary” wallowing in his or her own murky misery. So make sure you write plenty of letters and set up helpful meetings to discuss the positive effects of teddy bears and wicker baskets full of kittens.

Sending a greeting card with a bunny that has computer-enlarged eyeballs is a blissful way to turn that silly frown - upside down. Thanks, Hallmark™!

Sammy tip #3: Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, Ti, Love! Singing an upbeat tune can be a great way to relieve stress and pump sweet oxygen into your cotton candy lungs.

Make sure you get prior written permission to sing aloud from everyone who might hear it, however. Even if nine out of 10 people enjoy your chipper melody, it’s not worth it if it disrupts the work of one unique individual within audible range of the song.

You should never be content unless everyone around you is floating on cloud nine. You know what? Reach for the stars and make it cloud 10!

Final Sammy Tip: Extend an olive branch to senior citizens and adorable children. The sweet elderly may not wish to embrace the cultural advancement of society but that doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to hang on to personal ideals that gave them sunshine kisses several decades ago.

Everyone has their own beliefs and traditions and we must respect the wisdom of the highest appraised people in the Antique Roadshow of life. Feel free to support the retired snowflakes in your local community and help build a snow fort of understanding.

And if children are the future then babies are the super future!

Thank you so much for reading and thereby supporting this merry message. I’m tickled pink over the fact that we’re on the same page each week and we can all agree to agree. But our enthusiastic mission will never be complete until one thing occurs.

Everyone is as ridiculously gay as Uncle Sammy the Patriotic Puppy!